If you are going through a difficult time in your marriage, reflect over these brotherly advices:
Your wife deserves to see your good character 🌟
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
“The most complete of believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are the best in behavior to their women.”
[Sunan At-Tirmidhī (1162) authenticated by Sheikh Albāni]
Imām Ash-Shawkāni raḥimahullāh said: “You find a man displaying the worst character around his family; he behaves like a warrior and not much good is seen from him, but when he is with strangers he becomes gentle, kindhearted, hospitable and displays much good. Undoubtedly, this type of individual is deprived of success and has strayed from the correct path. We ask Allāh for safety!”
[Nayl Al-Awṭār 2/246]
There are two types of good character;
- Good character that is inborn 🧠
- Good character that is acquired with effort 💪
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“You (addressing Al-Ashajj ’AbdulQays) have two characteristics which Allāh loves: gentleness and deliberation.”
He asked: “Have I acquired them or has Allāh created (them) my nature?” He ﷺ replied: “No, Allāh has created (them) in your nature.”
[Sunan Abi Dawud (5225)]
[Recommended reading: 'Upright Moral Character' by Sheikh ’Uthaymeen raḥimahullāh]
Therefore, if you have a character flaw, try your best to fix it. Don’t expect your wife to endure life with your inadequacies. Learn to manage anger, impatience, and other flaws - make an effort to be a better version of yourself. The fact that all humans have flaws does not mean all flaws are tolerable!
Patience and tolerance are two of the most important characteristics in any long term relationship; ⏳
There will always be differences - no matter how much you try. Patience and tolerance will keep your marriage intact.
Too many rules in marriage ruin the fun in it. 🚫
Marriage should not be like a military camp where rules are rigidly set. Marriage needs rules, but they should be based on affection and mercy, not oppression. Without these, marriage becomes a prison instead of a loving bond.
Strive to have an understanding between your wife. 🗣️
Once you and your wife understand each other, others' input will be irrelevant. But building this understanding takes effort, sincerity, and open communication.
Help your wife around the home: 🏠
The Prophet ﷺ used to help his family with daily tasks and would not leave his wife to do everything alone. Practical gestures of kindness, like cleaning the room or offering to help in the kitchen, will make her feel loved and appreciated.
Don't allow your desire to marry a second wife to occupy your focus. 💍
Polygyny is like building a four-storey block - you can only start work on the next floor if the one below is stable.
- Show sympathy towards your wife, 💕 especially when she is ill or going through a difficult time.
Marriage is about comfort, compassion, and mercy. As Allāh ﷻ said:
“And among His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.”
[Sūrah Ar-Rūm, Āyah 21]
Success comes from Allah so ask Him to set your affairs straight. 🕌
“Our Lord! Bless us with ˹pious˺ spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous.”
[Surah Al-Furqân: 74]
May Allah guide and protect you in all your marital affairs.