My dear brothers,
I love you all for the sake of Allah - and whoever truly loves his brother will sincerely advise him. So I advise you with a matter that can either make or break the peace of your homes: beware of stinginess. It is a vile, detestable trait that poisons the atmosphere of marriage and family life. The stingy man turns the comfort of his home into torment, narrows the chest of his wife and children, and makes life hard upon those under his care.
Do not be stingy, for the best wealth you can ever spend and the greatest charity you can give is upon your wife and children. How many men today will spend freely on strangers, yet when his own wife asks him for something, he moans and complains; when his children request a need, he delays and begrudges them. This behaviour is among the fastest paths to the ruin of marriages and the spread of sadness within them.
A man of honour and īmān should be generous with his family in what is permissible, bringing happiness to their hearts. He should buy for his wife what she likes and needs, as long as it is in accordance with the Sharīʿah. He should gift his children and bring joy to their faces. Instead of forcing his wife to wander through marketplaces filled with evil music and free mixing, he should give her his card so she can purchase what she needs through online shopping - preserving her modesty and ensuring her comfort. Treat your daughters likewise, and spend on your sons. Do not make life tight for them, but be balanced - avoiding both the dryness of miserliness and the recklessness of extravagance.
Be like our beloved Prophet ﷺ, whose generosity was unmatched, who would give whatever he had without hesitation. Remember the noble hadith of Abu Hurayrah - may Allah be pleased with him - who said:
“The Prophet ﷺ commanded charity, so a man said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, I have one dinar.’ He said: ‘Spend it on yourself.’ The man said: ‘I have another.’ He said: ‘Spend it on your child.’ The man said: ‘I have another.’ He said: ‘Spend it on your wife’ - or he said: ‘your spouse.’ The man said: ‘I have another.’ He said: ‘Spend it on your servant.’ The man said: ‘I have another.’ He said: ‘You know best (where to spend it).’”
And also the beautiful hadith of Saʿd ibn Abi Waqqās - may Allah be pleased with him - where the Prophet ﷺ said:
“You will never spend anything, seeking thereby the Face of Allah, except that you will be rewarded for it - even the morsel of food which you put in your wife’s mouth.”
This hadith reminds us that righteous intention is the soul of every action. Any act - even if it seems ordinary - can become worship when done sincerely for Allah’s sake. Spending on yourself, your wife, your children, or even placing a morsel in your wife’s mouth becomes an act of charity if you seek the Face of Allah. If such a small, affectionate gesture carries reward, then how much greater is the reward for providing for all their needs with the intention of pleasing Allah?
So intend every purchase, every meal, every gift, and even every online order for your family as a charity - so you may earn this immense reward.
🏡10 Ways to Make This Easy for Your Family
- Set aside a fixed monthly budget for your family’s needs before spending on anything else.
- Give your wife a bank card or account access so she can buy essentials without stress.
- Use online shopping to save time, avoid fitnah, and preserve her modesty.
- Surprise your wife with gifts without her having to ask.
- Buy your children occasional treats to create joy in their hearts.
- Keep a “needs list” at home so family members can write what they require.
- Avoid delaying purchases when the matter is necessary and within your means.
- Balance generosity with financial responsibility, avoiding stinginess and wastefulness.
- Regularly ask your family if they need anything instead of waiting for them to request.
- Make duʿā’ for barakah in your spending and intend every expense as an act of worship.